Stuck on the motorway and desperate for the toilet? Try hitting a car

One of my many New Year's resolutions for 2009 was to write a weekly diary entry on my blog, mainly because I have the same memory limits as a Commodore 64. I had forgotten so much about my life up to that point and I knew my memory was only going to get worse. I needed to record what was happening somewhere, otherwise all these things would be lost in time, like tears in rain. Also I like writing even if no one reads or enjoys what I write (I can't blame them, considering the incredibly nerdy way I misappropriated a quote from Bladerunner at the end of the previous sentence).

Like most New Years resolutions I started with conviction, managed a few months and then gave up. The problem is that most of my life is mundane, such that writing and reading about it was a dull experience. I suppose that if this was an unpublished diary I could of written some really interesting stuff. But I like my friends and family and wouldn't want to upset anyone.

I'm starting to think that writing a blog could become the replacement for the country's most popular New Year's Resolution: 'Going to the Gym'. I've looked at a few random blogger accounts and it seems that most people started out in good spirit, managed a few posts and then gave up (Hi Sam!). At least with a failed blog you don't have a direct debit entry on you monthly bank statement for the next year, mocking your pathetic lack of will power.

So this year I haven't set myself any blogging target, I'll just do it when I think i've got something interesting to write about. In fact, I have no news years resolutions. Oh, apart from getting Married. That's quite a big one, although someone's already agreed to marry me, so the difficult part is sorted.

If one of my News Year's Resolutions was to not cause car crashes, I would of failed within the first five days. Driving to my first day of work of 2010 I managed to hit a car from behind at a roundabout. Thankfully it was at very low speeds and no-one was injured (in fact, i'm pretty sure there was no damage to either car, but I can't blame the other person for claiming on my insurance, i'd probably do the same). Unfortunately I couldn't blame the 'big freeze' that had unexpectedly hit the country. Presumably the snow was unexpected because we hadn't seen weather like this since, well, roughly this time last year.

Normally i'd be mortified that i had caused an accident (sorry, collision. accident implies someone is to blame), but I have a water tight excuse - my bladder.

My bladder has always been useless to the point that I think i really should speak to a doctor about it. Before hitting the car in front I'd been sitting in a queue for two and a half hours on the M1. It had got to the point that the pain had turned into cramping, like my body was warning me about the long term damage i was about to cause.

I was so desperate for a wee I'd already formulated a plan of action. Costa Coffee cup? check. Blanket to cover little D, avoiding embarrasment from passing motorists? check. Moved sun visor to stop lorry drivers looking in? check. Fiddled with all seat controls to ensure optimal 'run-off' angle in case of spillage? check.

When the accident occurred I was only (theoretically) a few minutes away from work so I decided my McGyver like plan could wait. Because I was so desperate to visit what was at that point the most beautiful urinal in the world I wasn't focusing on driving properly. I saw a clearing on the round-about ahead and accelerated. Unfortunately, the person in front of me didn't.

Fortunately, I did learn something from this experience. If you are ever in a car and desperately need to go toilet, I can wholly advise causing an accident. You totally forget about needing to wee for at least fifteen minutes.